What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
