you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
