My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
