Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I party with great urgency now.
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