It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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