I want to have your abortion
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
