Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
