dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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