Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
