Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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