...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
