Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
