someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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