but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
