we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
