well I can't set my house on fire every night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
