Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
