I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
