If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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