just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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