We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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