she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
