.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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