i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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