Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and she was petting her beer can
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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