new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
