First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
