youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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