It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
