so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't deserve a penis
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
