my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
