Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
