plz talk dirty to me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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