I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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