he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
