Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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