So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
