Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
