I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
