He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
God, I missed his penis.
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