it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize