Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
