You're completely useless in the revolution.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
