butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
