I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
