i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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