just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
