My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
