Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
