Sponge bath it is.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
