If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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