porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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