do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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