Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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