need another drink. this is the easiest way
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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