my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
