I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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