Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
