My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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