Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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