NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Two words: nipple clamps
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