was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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