I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
