Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
