Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
