just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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