you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
