I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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