He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
