I am spending my child support on dildos
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Randomize
