i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
