So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
