Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
