she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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