I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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