i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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