Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize