Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
please don't ironically join a cult
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