after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
