Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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