Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
