he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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